I Don't Want to Stay Where I Am

This past week was a staycation during "spring" break. You know what I mean. Don’t spend the money you would on a trip away. Lay low. Sleep in. Get projects done around the yard and house. Watch more TV and movies. Drink more. Coffee.

I did lay low. I didn’t sleep in – at all. I got some chores done, but no projects to speak of. Yes, The Voice is headed into final competition and Designated Survivor still has Keifer Sutherland in the Oval Office. So, I enjoyed my normal TV viewing with my wife, Laura (and relished lunch with her nearly every day). And I absolutely drank more coffee. More coffee in various coffee shops, not just a cup at home. I tried new flavors in new places with the same special people in my life.

But the week wasn’t about being lazy while taking in abundant portions of caffeine.

I’ve read a lot. Thought plenty about the future. Journaled. Read some more. Talked to God. Well, ask God a lot of questions is more like it. And spritzed up my website.

Coming into this next week remembering Christ’s passion, I’ve considered lots of scripture and read and listened to what smarter people than me have to say about how we understand the Bible, what we do with faith and how we understand God.

At the end of a week intended to allow space – to be, to think, to pray, to reflect, to renew – I find myself at some rather simplistic places.

  • I don’t want a stronger faith; I want a faith that’s more real.

  • I don’t merely want to understand the Bible better or differently; I want to experience intimacy with the Father.

  • I don’t want to defend what “I know is right;” I want to learn and grow and pursue Jesus.

  • I don’t want to “land” at a place of “knowing;” I want to be honest with God about the questions I have.

  • I don’t want to be tormented by a constant fear that I might be wrong; I want to journey with God who loves me right where I am.

  • I don’t want to focus on “getting it right” by God’s “standard;” I want to trust God more and more.

  • I don’t want to only understand what the Gospel means for me; I want to understand its message for the world.

  • I don’t want the cross without the resurrection; I want to understand Jesus’ life before and after he died.

  • I don’t want to prove I’m okay or pretend I’m not broken; I want to learn to say, “Me too.”

I’m going into this next week – Holy Week we call it – grateful that all there is to know about my Father is found in Jesus. Found in his birth, his life, his relationships, his miracles, his teachings, his death and his resurrection.

It’s been a good week with Jesus. Next week will be too.